Why You Love The Way You Love | Knowing Your Attachment Style and Embracing Emotional Intimacy to Build Deeper Relationships
“ When you've gone through healing, you think you've arrived sometimes, but it's not until you go through the thing that you've healed from that you realize, okay, these are still the areas of where I need to heal.”
— Fatima
We discuss our journey through modern dating as three single women of faith from different backgrounds. We share our personal experiences and insights on dating, highlighting various approaches and the cultural and faith influences that shape our perspectives. We reflect on their challenges with emotional intimacy and attachment styles, the significance of vulnerability in relationships, and the ongoing work required in personal healing and growth.
Enjoy!
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References from this episode
Timestamps
00:00 Start
01:50 Defining Dating
03:20 25 Coffee Dates
09:37 Discovering Emotional Intimacy
13:53 Understanding Attachment Styles
14:46 Avoidant Attachment
16:10 Navigating Dating with an Open Heart
18:43 Healing and Self-Compassion
19:50 Challenging Pop Culture Norms
21:19 Practicing Vulnerability
25:17 Looking Forward
28:07 Final Thoughts
Quotes from this episode
“‘Our brain assigns our partner the task of being our secure base. The person we use as an emotional anchor and a safe haven. The one we turn to in time of need. We are programmed to seek out their emotional availability.’ So I was really shocked to find out that it was actually healthy and normal and best practice really to have your person. I had convinced myself that, you know, I'd be just fine. I still believe you'll be just fine, but God created us to want to be in relationship
— Fatima’s reflection on quote from Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
“From childhood, I've been hyperindependent because that's how I was raised to negate my needs, to subdue my needs for the good of all. Emotions were something that wasn't okay to have. And so I just, I guess over the years, suppressed, suppressed and suppressed and became more and more fearful or dismissive, judgmental of people who needed people.”
— Fatima
“I never had an experience where I was expressing Personal emotional needs I was always going with the flow of the other person and attending to their needs The focus was always what do they need from me? And how I can support them. I never really considered myself to have significance in a relationship or throughout the process of dating. So that has been something that I've really been learning is that I set a certain direction and intention, and I have a responsibility also to have a space where me and the other person in the relationship can be emotionally vulnerable and open.”
— Liz
“I realized that hyper independence is actually a Diametrically opposed to connection, because the only way that you can connect with people is through true connection with your person is through emotional intimacy.” — Fatima
“It's all about believing and trusting that whatever God has for me won't pass me. And the good, the pure, all of the things that I'm seeking in a relationship now, someone is seeking me as well if that's God's will on my life. Because you just don't know. Another thing is I have a lot more compassion and empathy for men. And I feel like we are all— a lot of us are out here just trying to do our best. We've all gone through childhood that was messy and had a lot going on. Men are not our enemy and relationships are not our enemy and my life could be richer and enhanced by a God-centered relationship.”
— Fatima
